#27 - Hunting Buddies

Hunting. Time for the boys to spend with their dad learning to be a man. A time for learning responsibility, how to be quiet & still, how to wait, how to drive a car on country roads, how to build a fire, how to entertain yourself with not much more than a tree and a little boy's imagination, how to savor every bite of Big Red & powdered donuts that you can get your little hands on. And so much more. This year Cooper got to start joining the big guys on their weekend get-aways. All dressed in camouflage, my baby is learning from his older brother and his dad. And he loves it. As do they. As do I. They are the best examples of becoming and being a man that I can think of.

One weekend this month, my boys took some friends to The Place for some guy time. Micah & Samuel. And their dad. I love that! I love that these 4 are learning how to be men from their intentional, Godly fathers and that they get to do that together. And I love that they have so much fun together! Like, tons of fun!

I love that they are buddies. And on that day, hunting buddies.

(And while I'm being thankful, let me just say that I love that them being gone to The Place often means Allie & I being gone to the mall. Or the movies. Or her favorite restaurant.)

#26 - Restoration

At our church's Christmas Eve service, we sang several songs.  Some were traditional carols.  Some were worship songs.  One was "Restoration" by David Brymer.  And as I sang it, I thought how there couldn't have been a more perfect song.  I'm sure that the song was chosen to remind us all of the restoration that Jesus brought to the world by coming to earth as a baby.  Of the sacrifice that he came here to make, so that we could be restored to our Heavenly Father.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  

For me, the song had an additional meaning.  

For the last several years, Christmas has never come without the bittersweet memories of a Christmas 8 years ago.  Every year, as I go to the Christmas Eve service at church I remember the service that I sat in 8 years ago.  Pregnant with my 3rd child.  Thinking about how I could relate to Mary in a special way that year.  Counting my blessings... my children, Allie and Jackson, and this new, precious one that was on it's way to us.  Excited about what the next day would bring.  And what the next year would bring.  A baby!    I remember what I was wearing.  What my kids were wearing.  Who I spoke to that night.  What we ate for dinner.  I remember that when Santa visited, he filled a little red felt stocking that Jack had hung for the baby with pacifiers and that Allie gave thoughtful little gifts to her new sibling.  I remember that Christmas night, in a house full of family and fun, I went to the restroom and found blood.  I remember spending the next 24+ hours in and out of bed, calling the ER doctor, ravenously reading, calling anyone that I thought might be able to help me know how to save my baby, and begging God to do what became clear that I could not.  And I remember that ultimately, I found myself in a horrific situation where I knew that there was no way that He had.

I lost it.

My baby.  The dream.  Control.  My faith, to some extent.  Hope.  Life as I knew it.

I lost it all.

I was wrecked.

I have recounted much about that time and the years that followed on my blog, For What It's Worth.  It is sad and painful.

Christmas, for a few years, was tainted.  I still enjoyed it -  I loved the magic in my kids' faces when they saw their gifts.  I loved being with family.  I loved our traditions.  I loved the reason that we celebrated Christmas - but every single year, for a few, I had moments of utter grief.  Not just over the loss of the baby I'd lost at Christmas time but also of the one that was lost after that.  And of the loss of so much more in the years that followed.  I was dumbfounded about the goodness of God.  The way that this was all supposed to be working for good for me.  For the ones that I loved. 

I had a lot to learn.

And He gently, patiently taught me.

And continues to teach me.

And as He teaches me, He has restored my soul.

So, when we sang that song on Christmas Eve, I could genuinely, honestly sing.  You bring restoration.  The words - almost every single one of them - were perfect.

You bring restoration
You bring restoration
to my soul


You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy


You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy


hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new

And oh, I still miss her.  The one that was lost that Christmas.  Her name is Kate.  And I miss her.  But I have all confidence that she fulfilled her purpose.  Her life was not wasted.  She impacted me.  She changed me. I cannot imagine what life would be like for me and my family if it hadn't been for the lessons that I learned because of her life.  God used her - and even the loss of her - to restore me.  

He makes all things new.

So today, 8 years later, I can say with a thankful heart that He has taken my sadness and turned it in to joy.  He brings restoration to my soul.  

Happy Birthday, my Kate.

#25 - He Loves Me

It was a busy day before Christmas.  Corey was gone.  I was wrapping gifts and placing them under the tree.  And a little blue box caught my eye.  Someone had placed a gift under the tree besides me.  It was the perfect Christmas color.  Tiffany Blue.  I didn't know what was inside, but I knew that it was for me.  From him.  Because he loves me.  I knew, just by looking at the little box with the perfect bow, that he had made a trip across the metroplex to pick up something beautiful for me.  Not because I deserve it.  I don't.  Or because I asked for it.  I didn't.  But because he loves me.  He loves to give me good gifts.  He loves for me to feel treasured.  And I do.

And inside?  It was a key.  On a necklace.  The key to his heart.

Beautiful.

#24 - Christmas Day

Christmas Day.  The best day of the year.  We wake up super early.  Too excited to sleep.  The kids run down the stairs while Corey and I each have a camera in hand.  Then, it's minutes and minutes on end of excitement!  And "Look Mom!"s and "Look Dad!"s.  Then, we exchange gifts that we have bought for each other.  It is a very special time! 

This year Santa had needed a lot of help getting the kids' big gift assembled (A LOT of help!), so Corey and I had had about 45 minutes of sleep when the kids awoke on Christmas morning.  So, Christmas napping was on the agenda for Corey.  The kids spent a lot of time playing with the 3-in-1 table, assembling Legos,  playing video games, putting together puzzles, etc.   

We ate the breakfast casseroles that I had made the night before.  I took care of puppies.  We all took care of puppies.  And I read Corey's new book and played with kiddos.

Puzzles and games (and food!)  - the things that make a holiday a "Powell holiday".

That afternoon, my mom and dad came by for a visit.  We worked on the puzzle, played a lot of games, then enjoyed Christmas dinner together.  Lasagna, salad, and bread has become our Christmas dinner tradition.  Then, we ate the pie that Corey and Allie had made together.  Coconut cream pie.  My favorite!

And on my "good camera", I have gobs  more photos, but for now, this is mostly a blog containing photos from my phone.  And that's okay.

#23 - Christmas Traditions: Cookies & PJs

On Christmas Eve, we cooked for much of the day. Preparing for Christmas. All 5 of us, together. It's a highlight for me! After church, we still needed to make a few things, and one of those was cookies for Santa. Sugar cookies. With icing. Lots of shapes.

And then a very excited little boy. Full of wonder and belief, placed them along with a glass of milk on the kitchen table for the old man in red. Perfect.

And just to be safe, a little note was left for Santa on the gingerbread house. Hilarious.

And after the cooking came the PJs. They are the first gift the kids get every year. The only gift opened before Christmas Day. And even though they know what is inside, they are always excited to open it.

#22 - Christmas Tradition: Christmas Eve Service & Dinner

My favorite part of the day. Christmas Eve. We break. We rest. We remember. We focus. All 5 of us crammed into 4 chairs. Singing Christmas carols that have more meaning to my soul now than ever before. Candlelight. Unity. Beauty. Remembering Jesus. That He came. Why He came. That He is coming again. Advent.

And then, as is our tradition, we go to a nice restaurant. We enjoy good food and our family. And we celebrate.

#21 - Christmas Traditions: Gingerbread House

Is it a tradition if it's the first time? Well, we made our first gingerbread house this year. It was fun, and we hope to do it again. That counts as a tradition. I think.