She's a freshman. My baby is in High School. Her first semester was not what we had expected. A new school. A charter school in the public school system. Our first time to try that. It was rough... in many ways. Sometimes you can't know much until you try... that was the case. We tried. And it just wasn't a good fit for us.
I had no idea of what we were getting ourselves into when we started attending that first school. I thought that I did, but I didn't. And I certainly had no idea that I was giving up so much control when I dropped her off at school that first day. In the 10 years of educating Allie, I have always been her primary educator. Corey & I have always been the primary decision makers when it comes to everything about our kids. In this environment, I didn't feel like I had that freedom, and that was a first for me. Our kids have never gone to a school that is not a Christian environment, and this one certainly wasn't. We have never sent our kids to a school with no one that we knew, but that was the case here. It was different. Everything about it was different... and it was hard. Extremely hard!
Within the first month we knew that it wasn't a good fit. I was under the impression that if it didn't work out, I would just take her out of that school and put her into another... I didn't know that high school is more complicated than that. A lot more complicated! Quickly, I learned that I couldn't make a decision like that without losing a semester of credit. She had to continue through the first semester.
Sending her into that situation all day, everyday was one of the hardest things that I have ever done as a parent. To drop her off in a place that I didn't feel good about took my trust in God to a depth that I have not had to go to before. Learning to live open-handed with my children is something that I am learning to do. I am pretty sure that I will never master that one. It is hard for me. Trusting that He loves them more than me. That He can take care of them better than me. That He has a plan for them that will sometimes be accomplished only through trial... It is all something that I am learning to accept. Learning to embrace. And it all boils down to faith and trust in the Lord. Going to a place where I get to have more of Him. And that is what I want. But it is hard! Trying to figure out what to do next with Allie's education took me to my knees in desperation that I have not had before. Knowing that her life is in His hands and not completely in my control took me to a place of surrender that I have not been to before. Teaching her to persevere in trial. To be a light in a dark world. To work hard in hard circumstances.... We both learned a lot, and it was all good for us.
And by the end of December, we were glad that our trial - that trial, anyway - was coming to an end!
Relief.
When January got here, we had found a new school. A school that we love. And we are so very thankful! And on that first morning, all 5 of us loaded into the car to take Allie to her first day of school. That's what we do. We drove the 30 minute, unfamiliar drive. We pulled up to the new school, she jumped out of the car, and I watched my little uniform clad girl walk confidently into a new chapter of her life.
As we drove away, I begged the Lord to give her the things that she needs there. A safe place. Good friends. Caring teachers. A good education. A high school experience that she will cherish. Inspiration to serve others. Discipleship. A desire to learn more about the Lord and about the things in her textbooks. And much, much more.
Her first day was great... and so have all the days since then.
And that first day, we had to go celebrate! Yogurt Story for everyone!
